my little boy

This morning, I was in the kitchen and my youngest (Arthur) asked me a few questions...
Arthur: "Does daddy like skinny girls?"
Me: I don't know

Arthur: "Why does daddy have a girlfriend?"
Me : Because he does not love mommy anymore

Arthur: "Is daddy going to marry his girlfriend?"
Me: I don't know.

Arthur: "Well, I still love you mommy"
Me: I love you too baby

Boy does this hurt.. Yup, I am crying again..

the boys football banquet

Tonight we went to the boys (Josh and Arties) football banquet, Chris took his own truck which was fine with me because I am dead to him anyway.
The night went well and when it was over, we went our seperate ways.. He ended up calling me to say "Thank you for a good night."
OK.... why did he do that?? He said that he is glad that we can go out together (even thought it is separte) and have a good night. Well what ever is how I see it, It is for the boys anyway. He hopes we can do that again.. WHO KNOWS... I doubt if very much because there is not much that goes on with the boys that we have to be together...
Well I guess it was nice of him to call.

in a million pieces

Well, Yesterday, Jan. 29, 2010, I became officially dead in Chris eyes... well at least that is the way I see it. I told him how Kelly is treating me at work before, he told me that if it happens again to let him know. He called me Thurs. night around 10pm telling me that he talked to Kelly to stop doing what she is doing to me, and once again, I told him that she will deny what she is doing and sure enough she did. Well I felt a little relieved thinking that if she really liked Chris that she would at least leave me alone for about a week. BOY was I wrong... the very next day (Fri) she purposely looked for my bus and gave me a look again. Then when I passed her at NES, she gave me the biggest smirk saying" HA HA,, I am with your husband." When I went to park my bus, she was leaving in her car, with her 14 yr.old son in the car, and she actually swerved at me when I was in the bus.. I was soo sick to my stomach, that I actually go sick when I parked my bus..
When I told Chris this, He threw a fit and said that I was lying and I am acting childish...He said that he knows that I never lied to him before, but I am lying now, and without skipping a beat, he told me that he loves her......Well in my eyes I became DEAD to him.
I can't believe he thinks I am lying.. she has been doing this since they started dating, and I also found out Thurs. morning that she is the one who went after him knowing that we see each other EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! and that Chris just moved out a month before she started to chase him. She is doing this to throw it in my face everyday and it is killing me..
Well, after Chris threw a fit at me and told me that I am the one lying, it felt like he ripped my heart out and threw it on the floor and because it was not broken enough, he stomped on it and made sure it was in a million pieces so it could not be repaired.. That made me lose all felling for him and he said that he was glad that I have no more feeling for him...
He then called me about an hour or so later and apologized to me, saying that he went to talk to someone who he trust (most likely Kim) and she told him everything that I told him...
What do I say to that....NOTHING!!!! the damage is already done.. I AM DEAD IN HIS EYES..... because he believed someone that he only knew for three weeks....well it is the end......I AM DEAD

in a lot of pain

well here we are again. I started to write things down on paper, but then thought that I should write them down on here, that way it has the date and time when this is posted.

Chris told me yesterday that he and Kelly are serious, it has only been two weeks. Kelly has been throwing this in my face EVERYDAY!!! She smerks at me and gives me this look "HA, HA, LOOK AT ME.. I AM WITH YOUR HUSBAND NOW".. It is killing me to know end. I am very sick to my stomach and I actually got sick after I parked my bus this morining.

Chris called me around 10- 10:15 last night to tell me that he spoke with Kelly and she said that she is not doing anything.. I did tell Chris what she has been doing and that she will be in denial. And sure enough she did. Then he said to Kelly to knock it off. I thought I would be safe for at least a week, but NO.... She STILL continued to smerk at me twice this morining.. and top it off. As she left the bus yard, she swerved at me in her car with her son in the car, and I was in the bus... Now why did she do that?..... So she can tell Chris that I almost hit her in the bus.....
That is what made me soo sick to my stomach this morining that I actually got sick......

I know Chris does not want to come back, but I don't think I should be but through this EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!. She is playing a part soo good, that I don' t know what to do..
Chris already has a lot of feelings for her and I get the shit end and she knows it.
Chris said that there has to be witness'. Well how can I get any witness when she is doing this driving by me everyday. there are no one else but her and I driving by each other.

I am going to one thing right now.... I am not going to agree with what Chris wants(right now). She is playing games with me, well I think I will play games back to her....

my list of things between chris and I

Hello,

Today I wrote a list of things that is going to happen between my husband and I this year.
I mentioned some of those things to him and he does not believe me, so I figured I would write them down and give him the list at the end of the year.

1. He is serious with Kelly right now. ( he does not think so)
2. He will eventually back away from me as friends (even though we pinkie sweared that we will be friends for life)
3. He is going to be "TO BUSY" for the boys as time goes on
4. He will not go to Canada with us even if it breaks the boys hearts.
5. She (Kelly) will convince him not to talk to me anymore except on every other weekend when he gets the boys.. if he does
6. He will not help me out with my trip in Oct.( even though he keeps telling me that he will)
7. He will end up hating me because of her.. I am sure she will do some things that will make him not talk to me or even hate me...

Well that is some of the things I have a gut feeling about. I know there is going to be more things that will happen. I hope I am wrong on these, but I don't think so...
I will be giving Chris the letter at the end of the year..

and it gets worse

Hello everyone,

Well here we are in week 7 and I am so far behind, I don't know if I will be able to pass. I finally got a computer, so I can at least print out the pages for me to look at and re-read for the paper.
So I guess that is a plus...=)
I am still hurting a lot, because the women my husband is dating works with me, so I have to see her everyday and it is killing me to no end..The sad part is, is that she still wants to be my friend. That gets me very sick to my stomach, just thinking about that.

Well enough venting, and back to my project.
Thanks for everything.
Tammy

trying to move on

Hello everyone,
Just when I thought it was going to get easier, It gets worst. I find out that my soon to be ex is dating someone I work with and it is really taking a toll on me. I am very depressed and can't focus. I am falling behind in school more than I really should or was.
I knew we were not getting alone, but right now is not the right timing because I want to finish school, but this is making it really hard for me.
I am up for ANY ideas to try to focus on my school work to at least pass class. I work two jobs and have three kids to take care of also, and that is a lot for me too.
Sorry for babbling on, just very hurt and need some help.

Tammy

working progress

Hello everyone,

Well we are have way through class. I still have a lot of work to do. Being in school at this point of my life is very dificult. Between getting divorce, my mother in recovery from her surgury and working two jobs, taking care of three very active boys. Some days I wonder why I did this to myself. I have way to many things going on and I can even catch up on school work.
If anyone is willing to help me out, that would be awesome..=) You can e-mail me at school and let me know.