What the f**k did I do

Hello, Things have been very hectic. For a week now, Chris and I have been talking and he said that he wants to work at our marriage and get back together. I agreed and said that I know what I need to do to make this marriage work, but it is hard because I have no energy. Monday night April 5th, Chris called me to go over his house for a drink, he was on his front porch so after we ate I went over Chris' house and had a wine cooler with him. He said the the "cunt" (his exact words) keeps on txting him and calling him and if she continued that he would get a restraining order on her..(YA RIGHT). We drove to meet Leigh because she had some ham for him and when we got back to his house he had a sandwich and I left a little later on.
Thurs April 8th Chris called me to meet him at the barn for a drink. He said that he misses me and that we need to work things out, once again, I agreed. I love him very much and I hope this marriage works but I am not so sure anymore because the next night Fri. April 9th, Chris called me around 6:10 but did not leave a message, so I txted him saying that I am at work and prob be out around 8pm. He did not respond when I was done work, so I called him and his phone was off? Well that means that he is with someone.. So I decided to see if he was at the Barn and I would have a drink w/ him, but when I got there, his truck and Kelley's car was there. The funny thing is is that I was not shocked one bit and I was not pissed off until I walked into the barn. They were not at the bar, so I asked someone where they were and she pointed to the back, but the lights were off? So I walked back there and sure enough there they were and as I was walking towards them, Chris reached over and held her hand. Chris looked at me and said "What the fuck". She had a HUGE smile on her face and had the nerve to say hello. I asked what was going on and he did not say anything, I looked at her and she just smiled, and then I just snapped. I grabbed the glass of beer and threw the beer at her. She said "What was that for?" Well Hello, she is lucky I did not punch her in the face. (that is what I really wanted to do). So she ended up leaving and Chris took a fit at me and said that that's it we are getting a divorce. I said I think I deserve to know what is going on. I am still your wife, but he would not answer me all he kept on saying is that we are done. I told him that we should go outside and talk about what is going on and that I deserve to know what it going on. so we went outside and he did not say much, I said that I will follow him until he tells me what is going on. As I was following him, he slammed on his brakes and I almost hit him. That is when I snapped out of what ever it was that happened to me. I still can not describe why I did it or what happened, the only way I can describe it is the way Chris told me that one day he got into a fight with his father and when he had his father on the floor, he almost snapped his leg in half and then Chris snapped out of what ever it was he was in. I can't explain why I did it, I told four people about it before they found out and all four said it was a long time coming. She is lucky that I did not punch her in the face. and one of those people was Janet Mellor.
Chris told me that I am banned from the Barn, I called Johnny Friday night and left a message on his phone. So when I say Janet, I asked if he got the message and what happened. She told me that she did not hear anything and don't worry about anything. She told me that I AM NOT BANNED from the Barn. If Johnny did not say anything to me then do not worry, in fact that she is the boss and she told me that I am not banned.. She does not blame me for what I did.
I still fell like crap, because that is not me. I should of not done that and just walked away.
Chris came here Friday night to talk to me and ask me why I did that, he claims that he called Kelley there to say "GOOD BYE". Who does he think I am, Forrest Gump. I am not that stupid, he did not call her to say good bye. He wants his cake and eat it too. I can't understand why I still love him, he blames everything on me, but I don't think he realizes what the hell he has done to me in the pass 5 months. One day I will let him read all of this and I still think he will not get it.
Yes, it is taking me A VERY LONG time to get motivated and to clean this house, I am finally getting my b-12 shot and starting to feel a little better.
Another thing Chris can't understand is why I am soo tired all the time, I try to explain to him that my body does not absorb the vitamin and that I need the shot every three weeks other wise I am extremely tired. And he still does not care.
Well he came over Sat. around 6pm and of course he was drunk, he asked me again why I did that and I really can not explain it. He told me that he still loves me but does not want to be with me. Why does he do this to me.. There is nothing I want more than to be with him, hold him and love him everyday, but he does not want that..So as it is right now again, He does not want to have anything to do with me, he even did not go to Josh's practice yesterday or today. I texted him at 3pm after practice was done to let him know that Josh has a scrimmage wed night and he replied 2 1/2 hours later.. so that tells me that he was with her or someone else..
I NEED TO LEARN TO LET HIM GO!!!!! It is sooo hard because I love him soo much..