and the shit gets even deeper

Yesterday, Chris called me to see how many people are living next door. There are three adults and two children right now. One of the adults was not on the original plans so Chris was seeing what's up.
I asked him if he is getting paid tomorrow(today) and he said "yes, why". I told him that I NEED some money, he has not paid me child support in 7 months and everything is going to be shut off. Ben's and my cell phone has already been shut off, we have NO groceries in the house, the boys have been living on Oodles of Noodles. And his response was " I NEED MONEY ALSO".
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!! He has no new bills since he left, there is only one of him and four of us, and he has not given me any money AT ALL!!!!! but then he said that he will see what he can do.
So today I asked him if he has any money for me and he said NO, I am broke, I don't have any money at all.. I said that you just got paid today and you don't have any money? he said that he just paid $1000 towards his truck.
I have never meet anyone so full of SHIT as he is. He told me in the beginning of this month that he took out some money from his life insurance to pay for his truck and now he is telling me he just paid $1000 today? What a LIAR!!!!!
I said that he already paid for his truck w/ the insurance money. and he said that he paid "OTHER BILLS" with that money..
Also, last Friday, he called me to watch the boys for him because he got called into work. and on top of his desk was a receipt for $250 and it said Bus Co DEPOSIT!!!!! I asked him what was that and he said that it was for his truck insurance, that he bounced a check for the insurance and that was for that..
OK, I am not stupid, maybe very dumb but not stupid.. I know the difference between DEPOSIT and TRUCK INSURANCE............
Once again, the shit gets even deeper and he leaves me with no chose but to file for child support through DOR. I WILL be going on the 28th to file, that way I know I have some money in the bank to file the papers and I also filled out the paper work and put the 20th on there, I can change the 0 for an 8.

can u believe this????

I can't believe that Chris had the balls to say that he needed some of the rent money to pay for his truck..... Are you kidding me!!!!
He has not paid me child support for 6 months now and he wants money from the rent... He does not care if his children go without food, and have a roof over their heads, but he wants money from me!!!
What did he do with the $500 that he won about a month ago from Keno at the Gray Barn.. Did he forget that I was sitting next to him when he won?
I cant figure him out at all... As long as everything is going the way he likes it, everything is fine....
What is he going to do when he HAS to pay me child support? The world will never know....besides that he will start treating me like crap again.....Threating me that he will sell the house( which I don't care anymore, we are already losting it because he stoped paying me childsupport), He will threaten me to take the kids away from me...(he doesn't bother with them now, what makes him think that he will take care of them), lets see,... what else does he threaten me about...I have to pay for HALF of everything..(fine, then he has to pay half of water, sewer, and trash disposal that I have been paying for all this time)
Well, thats all I can remember right now. We have an appointment with a mediator tomorrow at 4 so I hope it goes alright..

The final chapter

Wow, it has been a very long time since I wrote anything, proberly because I have been with Chris and was starting to be happy again. He was still going back and forth of what he wants until recently. He found another girlfriend and so he treats me like shit again. I still love him very much and always will, but I can't deal with him playing head games with me anymore. There is so much I want to say, but really don't want to write it right now. The only thing I want to mention is that he just met her supposing last week and already brought the boys over her house this weekend... He has major problems. He said that I am border line crazy because I sent her a friend request on fb, but I only did that to warn her of his lies. He is nothing but a big fat liar... But the more I thought about it, I decided not to do or say anything to her. He is definitely not worth any of this and I will leave him alone for now on.

Hello

hello there,
well it has been about a month since I wrote anything.. The same shit different day. Chris still does not know what he wants, he says he loves me but I keep finding out that he calls and txts Kelley back and forth. He still loves to go out and drink a lot and when he is drunk, that is when he contacts Kelley.
Some times I just want to cut the string between us because I still fell like I am on the back burner with him. He is very distant and I don't like that.
Today he says that he has a meeting w/ work in Rytham Chili's. Last night he said that he MIGHT not see me tonight? Why? Does he have a date? Who knows. I asked him today why he won't see me tonight When I asked him why he is not going to see me he got very defencive and asked why do I want to know. Well Hello!!!!! Why do you think I want to know what you are doing after work???// He will never get it.. I love him to death, but I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering if he really loves me or not. and if I am only here to say that he has someone... He still has a lot of feelings for Kelley even though she is a slut (yes she has asked Parker and Murph to have sex w/ her) and that bothers Chris. It should not but it does and he does not see my point of view.. Chris has said many times that it is none of my business what he does when he is not with me, but HELLO we are still married, husband and wife.. It is my business what he does when he is not w/ me..
He still has not given me any money after almost 3 months. We are almost 5 months behind on our mortgage. I am sure it won't be too much longer before it goes into foreclosure...
That is another reason that I feel like I should file for at least child support because he has not given me a dime for any bills or groceries... I have been using the money that the girls have been given me for rent, but that is supposed to be for the mortgage.

Well I think I let out some steam now.. Back to doing some chores..

well time to move on

Hello,
I do not go on the computer much anymore, so it is hard for me to remember everything that has happened, more so the dates that it happened than what have happened.
Well after I say Chris and Kelley at the barn, Chris said that he wanted to take a step back, he was not sure what he wanted to do, so I said do what you think you need to do. The next day he txted me about why we can't get a long. I said that we could but he chooses not to. So he txted back that he wanted to meet me, so of course I met him at the barn, had a drink and went back to his place and had sex. We had sex everyday for a week straight. It was awesome...
Now we are at another week. On Friday April 15th the boys got their report cards and Ben did TERRIBLE... he went from a 78 to a 51 in a subject ( don't remember which one) but he also dropped alt in all the classes.. so I took his phone away and said that he is grounded from the computer until the end of school yr. I want to see his grades go up. At first I did not want him to go to Aunt Bert's house, but then the more I thought about it, I need a break from him. He told my dad that the reason that he is doing bad in school is because I go out every night and don't come home...W H A T!!!!!!! you got to be kidding me..
That was the icing on the cake. I am no longer going to give him his phone back. I am going to cancel Internet so he can not go on face book anymore, and he is not going to like me much at all.....I am going to be the biggest BITCH to him and make sure he does his work, clean his room and everything else that needs to be done.
Well Chris got pissed off because I let Ben go to Aunt Bert's. He is looking at it as Ben got his own way, but that is not the case,...I NEED A BREAK!!!!! I love him dearly but enough is enough. So now Chris does not want to work at this marriage and he told me tonight that he has a date Friday night.. I told him that his problem is that he ONLY looks at the things that I have not done yet instead of all the things I HAVE done. He did agree with me on that one, but he said that he does not know what he wants and I asked him if he wanted me to date and he said YES... are you kidding me ,I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH ANYONE ELSE. I JUST WANT TO BE WITH MY HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he can not see that by now, I guess it is time for me to move on. I have been spending the last month picking peddles off the flower, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. On top of that I have been praying that GOD guides him in the direction that he needs to be, and as of tonight, I guess it is not with me. I guess Chris' direction is to be with someone else... I am very depressed and I think I have to file for separation to stop this game that Chris is playing with me.. I love him with all my heart, but he needs to get his head out of his ass to be able to see that, and I don't think he wants to right now....

What the f**k did I do

Hello, Things have been very hectic. For a week now, Chris and I have been talking and he said that he wants to work at our marriage and get back together. I agreed and said that I know what I need to do to make this marriage work, but it is hard because I have no energy. Monday night April 5th, Chris called me to go over his house for a drink, he was on his front porch so after we ate I went over Chris' house and had a wine cooler with him. He said the the "cunt" (his exact words) keeps on txting him and calling him and if she continued that he would get a restraining order on her..(YA RIGHT). We drove to meet Leigh because she had some ham for him and when we got back to his house he had a sandwich and I left a little later on.
Thurs April 8th Chris called me to meet him at the barn for a drink. He said that he misses me and that we need to work things out, once again, I agreed. I love him very much and I hope this marriage works but I am not so sure anymore because the next night Fri. April 9th, Chris called me around 6:10 but did not leave a message, so I txted him saying that I am at work and prob be out around 8pm. He did not respond when I was done work, so I called him and his phone was off? Well that means that he is with someone.. So I decided to see if he was at the Barn and I would have a drink w/ him, but when I got there, his truck and Kelley's car was there. The funny thing is is that I was not shocked one bit and I was not pissed off until I walked into the barn. They were not at the bar, so I asked someone where they were and she pointed to the back, but the lights were off? So I walked back there and sure enough there they were and as I was walking towards them, Chris reached over and held her hand. Chris looked at me and said "What the fuck". She had a HUGE smile on her face and had the nerve to say hello. I asked what was going on and he did not say anything, I looked at her and she just smiled, and then I just snapped. I grabbed the glass of beer and threw the beer at her. She said "What was that for?" Well Hello, she is lucky I did not punch her in the face. (that is what I really wanted to do). So she ended up leaving and Chris took a fit at me and said that that's it we are getting a divorce. I said I think I deserve to know what is going on. I am still your wife, but he would not answer me all he kept on saying is that we are done. I told him that we should go outside and talk about what is going on and that I deserve to know what it going on. so we went outside and he did not say much, I said that I will follow him until he tells me what is going on. As I was following him, he slammed on his brakes and I almost hit him. That is when I snapped out of what ever it was that happened to me. I still can not describe why I did it or what happened, the only way I can describe it is the way Chris told me that one day he got into a fight with his father and when he had his father on the floor, he almost snapped his leg in half and then Chris snapped out of what ever it was he was in. I can't explain why I did it, I told four people about it before they found out and all four said it was a long time coming. She is lucky that I did not punch her in the face. and one of those people was Janet Mellor.
Chris told me that I am banned from the Barn, I called Johnny Friday night and left a message on his phone. So when I say Janet, I asked if he got the message and what happened. She told me that she did not hear anything and don't worry about anything. She told me that I AM NOT BANNED from the Barn. If Johnny did not say anything to me then do not worry, in fact that she is the boss and she told me that I am not banned.. She does not blame me for what I did.
I still fell like crap, because that is not me. I should of not done that and just walked away.
Chris came here Friday night to talk to me and ask me why I did that, he claims that he called Kelley there to say "GOOD BYE". Who does he think I am, Forrest Gump. I am not that stupid, he did not call her to say good bye. He wants his cake and eat it too. I can't understand why I still love him, he blames everything on me, but I don't think he realizes what the hell he has done to me in the pass 5 months. One day I will let him read all of this and I still think he will not get it.
Yes, it is taking me A VERY LONG time to get motivated and to clean this house, I am finally getting my b-12 shot and starting to feel a little better.
Another thing Chris can't understand is why I am soo tired all the time, I try to explain to him that my body does not absorb the vitamin and that I need the shot every three weeks other wise I am extremely tired. And he still does not care.
Well he came over Sat. around 6pm and of course he was drunk, he asked me again why I did that and I really can not explain it. He told me that he still loves me but does not want to be with me. Why does he do this to me.. There is nothing I want more than to be with him, hold him and love him everyday, but he does not want that..So as it is right now again, He does not want to have anything to do with me, he even did not go to Josh's practice yesterday or today. I texted him at 3pm after practice was done to let him know that Josh has a scrimmage wed night and he replied 2 1/2 hours later.. so that tells me that he was with her or someone else..
I NEED TO LEARN TO LET HIM GO!!!!! It is sooo hard because I love him soo much..

Why do I feel this way

I am very depressed today. Chris does not want to have anything to do with me because I told Kelley the truth about us. I told her about the pictures we shared w/ eachother and she went into Chirs' phone and the pictures. This was last week and he still does not want to talk to me as much as he did.
I told him that I miss him, but he said that he knows what he wants, He wants to be single. He still talks to Kelley and she is still demanding him not to talk or see me at all. I still think that they will get back together because he is not talking to me.
He told me that he txted her tonight and she did not respond so he said goodbye to her.. like I said, I know he will get back to her even though she went into his place and snooped around, she went into his phone and saw how much he and I txted eachother and what blows my mind is that she gave another guy a bj in the china's bathroom and he does not care... he said to me "this may sound crazy, but my GIRLFRIEND is mad at me for having sex with my WIFE"........I said to him,, did you just realize what you just said, and he said yes, my GIRLFRIEND> I can't believe he just said that...but he is not happy the fact that she is demanding him to do and not do some things and he is mad at me because I lied to him about meeting someone else and having sex w/ him. It is pretty sad that the only one I have been with is my HUSBAND and he is mad at me because I actually did not have sex with other people..
This does not make any since to me at all.. I just want to hold him and tell him how much I love him........... I should be the one who is mad at him for doing all this shit to me, but I am not. I STILL LOVE HIM. Why??????? Why do I feel this way. Why can't I forget him and let him go on with his life? There are soo many things I don't understand in my life. I hope I can understand one day.

Where do I begin

Well it has been a few weeks since I have writen anything and so much has happened. I am sure I am going to be jumping back and forth of what has happened.
Friday March 26, after work, I took the boys to walmart to get something that we needed. And then we got a pizza from the Village. Chris txt me about getting Josh the next day to bring him to a bday party. I txt back to let him know what time and I txt him about giving him a bj because we have been teasing each other going back and forth about sexual stuff. Well I guess Kelley saw it and she replied (on Chris'phone) "Fuc u tammy get a life u dirty hoar" (her exact words and spelling). I knew right away it was from her and I laughed out loud, so now the boys wanted to know what I was laughing about and all I could say is that Kelley called me a bad word.. Well, I replied to that saying "look who is talking, I am not the one sleeping w/ someone else's HUSBAND!!!!"
Chris called me later and said that she found out that we have been teasing eachother and I did give him a bj on wed. the 24th. She e-mailed me through facebook wanting to know the truth and that she will walk away.( I will be posting those e-mails later). Well I told her what I thought not only about what we have been doing(chris and I) but how I feel about her.
Sat. when I picked up Arthur from Chirs' house, he told me that he went to the China lastnigt (the 26th) and when he went to the men's room, Kelley came out of the women's room w/ some guy and said the she just gave him a BJ in the bathroom>>>LOL..... That is tooo funny someone who is calling me a whore when all I ever been w/ since Chris has been out of the house was my HUSBAND!!!(Chris, if course).
Sunday at Josh's baseball practice, she kept on txting and calling him and of course he answered and was talking to him, he is trying to get back w/ her but she keeps telling him (even before any of this happened) that she DOES NOT want him to have anything to do w/ me AT ALL!!!!!
According to him, he just walked out the door and told me that that won't happen, I do not believe him because now he does not want to have anything to do w/ me.
He said that he still NEEDS my friendship, but now he does not act like it.

Trouble in Paradise...

Last night March 13, Chris came with us to take Joshua out for his birthday. We went to Outback Steakhouse in Bellingham. On the way up there, I thought it was pretty funny that Ben was the only one who would talk to him. When we were there he was telling me about his job. Then on our way home, Ben txted me to see if he can go w/ Calvin today so we were txting back and forth because he did not want Chris to put his two cents in. Well Chris was getting pissed that I was txting and he asked me who I am txting. I told him it was none of his business and he got pissed and told me not to txt in his truck anymore...R U SERIOUS!!!
Well Ben kept on txting me and I was answering them, and Chris said "What, you got a date". and I said not tonight...and he mumbled"Wow, that hurt".. I said WHAT!!!! He said that I should stop txting and wait till I get home to txt my "boyfriend"...(lol), so I stopped txting and I just had a big smile on my face.. HE asked me what am I smiling about and I said nothing much.
" Well what r u thinking and why do you have a big smile on your face."
I am just thinking of some things...
What r u thinking of?
Things that I need to do at home, I cleaned the kitchen, dinning room and hallway, I was just wondering what else I need to do.
Then he was quiet till we got home. I thought that he would just leave when he dropped us off, but he made a point to come in the house and get some more info out of me.
We were talking and I said that I was talking to someone but that was it.
He then said lets go down cellar so we can have some privacy. So we went down stairs and he said that he did not like the fact of me being w/ someone else....WELL Hello... he has a girlfriend.
and I said that. and then he said that he does not know how much longer it was going to last.. That there is TROUBLE IN PARADISE... *his exact words*
OH WELL was my response. He did not give me details on why and I did not asked. I really don't care... He said that he thinks he is in rebound. Once again, I did not say anything because I really don't care anymore... He said that he does not want a commitment and wants to come and go when ever he wants to with out someone bitching at him. He said that he does not think that we could get back together because we were not happy with each other, and I totally agree. He said that he needs my friendship and can not lose it.
He called me MRS. Labrie again and I said that he won't be able to call me that much longer, and he asked why "Are you going to change your name?".........DUH!!!!!!!!!! No, but I wont be married to you anymore, so I won't be MRS. but MS. Labrie.
He then told me that he can not stop thinking bout the time we had "animal sex" at his house about a month and a half ago. And he said something that "should we be talking like this" and I said no.. He said that he misses my breast and my bj's alot. and all I did was look at him and said oh well. He continued to talk about sex and how much he miss' my breast and stuff like that. He then grabbed my breast and started to play w/ them and all I did was just look at him. I did not want to do anything at all and I said that to him. we were down stairs for about an hour and he said that he was soo horny.. OH WELL was all I could say or even have the look on my face..HE kept on playing with me and I kept my hands to myself.. I did not touch him at all.. Finally he decided to play w/ himself and he asked if it was ok. I DON'T CARE do what you want.. but I am not doing anything to you... so he started to jerk off, I was looking at him and he asked me to look at his cock, so I did and it was not turning me on at all...LOL. well it ended up w/ me sucking his cock for about a min. till he was done.. I miss giving bj's but not to him... It is funny, that I am really all done with him and now he is having trouble in paradise. Also I think it is funny that I changed my job so I don't have to deal with her anymore and now there is TROUBLE IN PARADISE/.... HUMMMM!!!!!! sounds a little fishy to me..

I AM EVIL

hello

Well Sunday the 7th when Chris dropped off the boys, he was telling me that I am evil and this is not me. He does not like they way I have been acting. I said why because I am finally standing up for myself.
He said that there are a lot of people lying in this situation, and I said ya, your girlfriend and he said NO, you are lying...
All this because I said that I might not be home when he drops off the boys at noon time.
I think he has problems..lol

What a prick

Last night, I went out with Crystal Stockwell, I haven't seen her in a very long time and it was great to see her. We went to the Auburn Mall and then Little Texas for dinner.
Well Chris wanted to drop off the boys at noon time so he can go to a meat raffle with the bitch (I call her something else) so when I called the boys to because I did not talk to them Friday night, Chris said "OK, I will drop off the boys at noon time" and all I said is "Yea, if I am home, well I got to go, my date is here."(which she was, but he does not have to know that), and I hung up the phone.
Well he threw a fit, called me about 7 times, I did not answer the phone because I was out and did not want to ruin my night auguring w/ him. He txt me about 4 times and here they are:
Txt.1. Why must you push my buttons. U already agreed for this. The boys will be at the house at noon. U need to stop. I did not lie to u and yet u still play w/ my head.

Txt.2. I am not playing games w/ u. So why must u play with me. Knock this shit off. If you want to stay friends then please stop I can not handle this!!!!!

Txt.3. Answer the phone?

Txt 4. Ruin ur night??? This about Sunday not tonight. And please stop calling her that? I will not put up with that. Have some respect for me atleast?

Txt 5. Ok u win... I will not bother with this anymore. C u at noon Sunday.

Txt 6. Thanks for being the friend u said u wanted to be??? Friends don't do what u r doing. Why??? Thanks for ruining my night! Have fun on ur date.



Is He Fucking kidding me... friends don't do what I am doing!!!!! What about what he is doing to me!!!!! He is still technically my husband... not a friend... He has no clue what he wants in his life and I am now very happy that he is no longer going to be in my life the way he used to be.
What is he thinking!!!!!! He is soo retarded and a huge PRICK!!!! Because something did not go his way, he flips out to no end... I can not wait till we get a divorce now, he just blows my mind on how he is thinking now...

what now?

Hello,

Well it has been a while since I have written anything, so lets see if I can remember some things.
On Feb. 23rd Chris told me that he is getting a full-time job where he has been working part-time. He brought over some Parrot Bay (for me) and some beer (for him) I guess to celebrate that he is going to work full-time. As I was cooking dinner, he asked me if I could give him a massage, so I said yes. I gave him his massage and he wanted the happy ending (shocking)...not).
So I ended up giving him his happy ending, not really into it until he started to play w/ my breast. Then he said that he wanted to f**k me in the ass, so I took off my shirt and pants and we had sex. He did not f**k me in the ass though, but we did have sex.
Well, so much for not having sex w/ him anymore.............

On March 1st. Chris and I went to probate court to file for divorce. It turns out that we need to fill out a lot of paper work. So he brought me home and as I was loading the dishwasher, Chris was getting excited watching me because he likes my boobs????? OK what ever. So we ended up going upstairs and I started masturbating and he was watching, then I started giving him a bj and then we just had fun... OK so now what???? Do we continue to play with each other until I find someone? Because as soon as I find someone I do not want to have anything w/ Chris and I told him that... He understood, but said that he is going to miss my boobs and bj's...Oh Well. I just can't wait till that day.....

What is he thinking?????

OK, so last night Chris said that he is coming over to get his plow. So I text him to ask if he can pick me up some Bailey's Cream (for my coffee). I did not think anything of it because I have been wanting it for a while, just never went to the store to get it and seeing that he is coming over anyways I asked if he can pick some up for me and I will pay him Friday when I get paid.

Well he did and I thanked him, he also bought himself some beer and said that he will have only one with me, I already had some wine coolers. OK. so one turned into 3, then 4, then 5. We were watching TV, and chatting. He stayed to watch the weather,(we are getting snow) and he wanted to know how much. So the weather has ended and he said that he was going home, I walked him into the kitchen to say goodbye and thanked him for the Bailey's.
Well his hands were cold and he put them on my face, I took them and held them to warm them up and then he asked me "What do you want". I was (and still am) very confused on what he means by that. I told him that I want someone to love, and who can love me back.

He kept on asking me at least 20 times, what do you want , why am I here. I told him all I wanted was the Bailey's. I did not expect anything else. But I guess that was not the answer he wanted. He then started to play with my nipples and was getting me all worked up, and still he kept on asking me "what do you want, why am I here". I still have no idea what he means by that, so I was saying things I thought he wanted me to say... but still he asked me again.
OK, I said I want to suck his cock. I said that I want him to have sex with me( which I really didn't care if we did or not) I was telling him everything that I thought he wanted to here, but it did not seem to be the answer he was looking for.... I truly did not want to have him come over for sex, all I really wanted was the Bailey's.... and I told him that.
We ended up having a shot of Bailey's and what was left in the cup, he dripped it onto my chest. (this is what he did before anything I just wrote up there) and asked me what do I want.
I took my sweatshirt off, because I just bought it and it was white, I did not want to get it stained already. So there I was standing there with out my shirt and he would just look at me. He asked me if he was going to lick it off or wipe it off and I said nothing, so he took it as wipe it off (which I am glad he did). He then put my shirt back on because I did not give him an answer that he was looking for, which I have no idea what he wants.
Oh yeah, As we were having a shot, he said that it was between us, our friendship, he WANTS me as a friend. He also had to put in there that he is living his life the way he wants right now, going out and having fun... well good for him, and I said that to him too..lol
Well we still continued to tease each other in the kitchen, I still have no idea what he was looking for in an answer from me. So it ended up that we went upstairs and had sex. OK, so it sucked, it was not the same, for some strange reason. I can't say it will not happen again, but I really don't want it from him anymore. He LOVES my BJ'S but I will not give it to him anymore.
I don't know why, prob. because he killed me and there is no more feelings for him. I do enjoy talking to him but that is it.
He ended up leaving around 11:45pm and that was that.. I still have no idea what he wanted me to say.. and will never know.
I wish I could remember everything in order instead of jumping around, but I can't, so I guess it is a good thing that I am the only one that is going to read this...lol

damage to my bus???????

Well this morning, around 8:15am, I got a phone call from Vendetti Motors asking me if I had hit anything w/ my bus. Well NO, if I did, I would at least told Rick or Bobby. Maryjane told me that there is a lot of damage to my bus and it is in the body shop being repaired....
Friday afternoon, Kim Smith had said that my red light was out, I thought she said drivers side, but I can't remember. I wish I would have looked at it then, but it was Friday and I had to get home to get ready for my other job, so I did not look.
Kevin is very upset with me thinking I hit something.. I DID NOT HIT ANYTHING!!!!!
This is really killing me..Is Kelley doing this to my bus to try to get me fired??????
I hope not, but with everything she is doing now, why wouldn't she go this far, after all she already but a big wedge between Chris and I so why not try to get me fired now.....

Well, I just got done walking on the treadmill and need to take a shower. Going to the bus yard to see what is going on....
Only God knows what really happened.....I just pray that she is not stooping down this low to do something to me...

Where do I begin. I wish I had time to write this down when it happens, but because of my busy schedule, I can't, so I am going to do the best I can. I am sure I am going to be skipping around because as soon as I remember something, I want to write it down.
On Feb.8th as I was leaving work, I saw Adia and drove up to her, as I stopped and talked to her (maybe 30 sec. top) I notice I was behind "The Bitch". I whisperd to myself "Oh shit, she is still here" because I thought she had left, there was an empty spot where I thought her car was.
Josh was in the car w/ me and she apparently waved to Josh ( I did not see it) but when Adia moved and I noticed it was her, I looked at her side mirror and she chucked me the bird, well I chucked it right back at her and whisperd fuck you bitch. She had a big smile on her face and it was not until I got home I realized why she had a big smile on her face, it was because she was on the phone w/ Chris and of course she would not tell him that she chucked me the bird so all he got was "OMG, she just chucked me the bird and said "fuck you bitch".
So when I got home, Chris was here waiting for the boys and I knew that he was pissed off at me for something, but would not tell me. I said what did Kelly say now, and he said that she did not say anything to him...LIER!!!!! she told him that I chucked her the bird and now he is throwing a fit at me, telling me that I am lying threw my teeth... (Ya Right). I can't believe that he is throwing this way out of purportion. She chucked me the bird and I chucked it right back at her.. no big deal... well he seems to think so.. He told me that he does not want to have anything to do with me anymore, the only time he is to call me is for the boys and the only time I call him is for the boys.. OK if that is what he wants. He just ruioned our friendship for good. When I went to pick up the boys at his house after work, he was drinking and being a prick. He told me that he ran into Lisa ( I forgot her last name) but she drives bus in Uxbridge. He told me that she told him, that I told her and a lot of other people that I said that he was not around for the birth of our children and that he treated me like shit.. Well that is not true, I never even talk to Lisa so I said that I will make it a point to see her the next day (tues. feb 9, 2010).
So I saw Lisa and she had no idea what I was talking about. She would not even let me get out what Chris said and she was all upset that Chris brought her into this... So she eventually let me tell her what Chris had said and she is getting real pissed off and wanted to call him, so I gave her his cell #, and at first he was denying it saying that he has no idea what she was talking about saying that he never said anything and then said "well you know you just say things when you are upset", then he oplogized to her.. Well when she got off the phone w/ him, she said that he is such a LIER that she can't believe it.. He is lying threw his teeeth...Lisa said that my dad always said that I could do better than Chris and never knew what he ment until now...

Well wed or thurs, Chris came over the house and we talked. We both agreed that we need each other's friendship. I am still upset that he does not believe me of what happened but he won't believe me anyways, she had put a huge wedge between us and he does not even see it.. I perdicted this anyways, I just did not think it would happen soo soon.

The end of a friendship

I can't believe that today is the end..... The end of once was a very good friendship between my soon-to-be ex. His girlfriend has him soo wrapped and made sure that she got him away from me, that she continues to lie to him about me..
Today after work, I was leaving and noticed an empty spot of which I thought Kelly was parked, and whispered "Thank god she is gone". Then I proceeded to leave and noticed another bus driver walking to her car, joking around I pretend to drive straight to her. I pulled over and asked a quick question and did not notice that Kelly was actually parked right there and she was in her car. Well she was on the phone with Chris and she proceeded to tell him that I was blocking her in..... BULLSHIT... I thought she was gone and did not notice her until Aida backed away and I said to my self" OH SHIT, she is still here." As I looked at her she chucked me the bird so I chucked it back at her and said fuck you bitch (not loud because Joshua was in the car).
She then said to Chris OMG... she just chucked me the bird and said fuck you bitch.
So when I got home, Chris was there and he was very upset with me.. Don't know why but he was, I finally got it out of him and he said because I chucked Kelly the bird.... WELL hello, I only did what he told me to do before,, give it right back at her.....so I did.

Well she has lied so much to him saying that I blocked her in and I don't know why she is chucking me the bird. He ACTUALLY believes her.
We got into a huge argument and he no longer wants to be friends anymore..
He stills thinks I am the one who is lying to him. I am very hurt that someone who was once a very good friend, wants nothing to do with me... but no matter what I say, he will not believe me.
I can't believe that I still cry myself to sleep every night because of what she does to me at work, and I said nothing to Chris, but she has no problem saying things to Chris about me.
Well no all the damage is done and there is no going back. No husband and no good friend.
It was funny when the boys told me yesterday that they meet Kelly, I could not believe that Chris would do that to me soo soon, but all I could think of is "BOY DO I MISS MY FRIEND"
Chris kept on asking me whats on my mind right this second and I could not tell him...
I DO AND WILL MISS MY GOOD FRIEND...

Good bye for now...

my little boy

This morning, I was in the kitchen and my youngest (Arthur) asked me a few questions...
Arthur: "Does daddy like skinny girls?"
Me: I don't know

Arthur: "Why does daddy have a girlfriend?"
Me : Because he does not love mommy anymore

Arthur: "Is daddy going to marry his girlfriend?"
Me: I don't know.

Arthur: "Well, I still love you mommy"
Me: I love you too baby

Boy does this hurt.. Yup, I am crying again..

the boys football banquet

Tonight we went to the boys (Josh and Arties) football banquet, Chris took his own truck which was fine with me because I am dead to him anyway.
The night went well and when it was over, we went our seperate ways.. He ended up calling me to say "Thank you for a good night."
OK.... why did he do that?? He said that he is glad that we can go out together (even thought it is separte) and have a good night. Well what ever is how I see it, It is for the boys anyway. He hopes we can do that again.. WHO KNOWS... I doubt if very much because there is not much that goes on with the boys that we have to be together...
Well I guess it was nice of him to call.

in a million pieces

Well, Yesterday, Jan. 29, 2010, I became officially dead in Chris eyes... well at least that is the way I see it. I told him how Kelly is treating me at work before, he told me that if it happens again to let him know. He called me Thurs. night around 10pm telling me that he talked to Kelly to stop doing what she is doing to me, and once again, I told him that she will deny what she is doing and sure enough she did. Well I felt a little relieved thinking that if she really liked Chris that she would at least leave me alone for about a week. BOY was I wrong... the very next day (Fri) she purposely looked for my bus and gave me a look again. Then when I passed her at NES, she gave me the biggest smirk saying" HA HA,, I am with your husband." When I went to park my bus, she was leaving in her car, with her 14 yr.old son in the car, and she actually swerved at me when I was in the bus.. I was soo sick to my stomach, that I actually go sick when I parked my bus..
When I told Chris this, He threw a fit and said that I was lying and I am acting childish...He said that he knows that I never lied to him before, but I am lying now, and without skipping a beat, he told me that he loves her......Well in my eyes I became DEAD to him.
I can't believe he thinks I am lying.. she has been doing this since they started dating, and I also found out Thurs. morning that she is the one who went after him knowing that we see each other EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! and that Chris just moved out a month before she started to chase him. She is doing this to throw it in my face everyday and it is killing me..
Well, after Chris threw a fit at me and told me that I am the one lying, it felt like he ripped my heart out and threw it on the floor and because it was not broken enough, he stomped on it and made sure it was in a million pieces so it could not be repaired.. That made me lose all felling for him and he said that he was glad that I have no more feeling for him...
He then called me about an hour or so later and apologized to me, saying that he went to talk to someone who he trust (most likely Kim) and she told him everything that I told him...
What do I say to that....NOTHING!!!! the damage is already done.. I AM DEAD IN HIS EYES..... because he believed someone that he only knew for three weeks....well it is the end......I AM DEAD

in a lot of pain

well here we are again. I started to write things down on paper, but then thought that I should write them down on here, that way it has the date and time when this is posted.

Chris told me yesterday that he and Kelly are serious, it has only been two weeks. Kelly has been throwing this in my face EVERYDAY!!! She smerks at me and gives me this look "HA, HA, LOOK AT ME.. I AM WITH YOUR HUSBAND NOW".. It is killing me to know end. I am very sick to my stomach and I actually got sick after I parked my bus this morining.

Chris called me around 10- 10:15 last night to tell me that he spoke with Kelly and she said that she is not doing anything.. I did tell Chris what she has been doing and that she will be in denial. And sure enough she did. Then he said to Kelly to knock it off. I thought I would be safe for at least a week, but NO.... She STILL continued to smerk at me twice this morining.. and top it off. As she left the bus yard, she swerved at me in her car with her son in the car, and I was in the bus... Now why did she do that?..... So she can tell Chris that I almost hit her in the bus.....
That is what made me soo sick to my stomach this morining that I actually got sick......

I know Chris does not want to come back, but I don't think I should be but through this EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!. She is playing a part soo good, that I don' t know what to do..
Chris already has a lot of feelings for her and I get the shit end and she knows it.
Chris said that there has to be witness'. Well how can I get any witness when she is doing this driving by me everyday. there are no one else but her and I driving by each other.

I am going to one thing right now.... I am not going to agree with what Chris wants(right now). She is playing games with me, well I think I will play games back to her....

my list of things between chris and I

Hello,

Today I wrote a list of things that is going to happen between my husband and I this year.
I mentioned some of those things to him and he does not believe me, so I figured I would write them down and give him the list at the end of the year.

1. He is serious with Kelly right now. ( he does not think so)
2. He will eventually back away from me as friends (even though we pinkie sweared that we will be friends for life)
3. He is going to be "TO BUSY" for the boys as time goes on
4. He will not go to Canada with us even if it breaks the boys hearts.
5. She (Kelly) will convince him not to talk to me anymore except on every other weekend when he gets the boys.. if he does
6. He will not help me out with my trip in Oct.( even though he keeps telling me that he will)
7. He will end up hating me because of her.. I am sure she will do some things that will make him not talk to me or even hate me...

Well that is some of the things I have a gut feeling about. I know there is going to be more things that will happen. I hope I am wrong on these, but I don't think so...
I will be giving Chris the letter at the end of the year..

and it gets worse

Hello everyone,

Well here we are in week 7 and I am so far behind, I don't know if I will be able to pass. I finally got a computer, so I can at least print out the pages for me to look at and re-read for the paper.
So I guess that is a plus...=)
I am still hurting a lot, because the women my husband is dating works with me, so I have to see her everyday and it is killing me to no end..The sad part is, is that she still wants to be my friend. That gets me very sick to my stomach, just thinking about that.

Well enough venting, and back to my project.
Thanks for everything.
Tammy

trying to move on

Hello everyone,
Just when I thought it was going to get easier, It gets worst. I find out that my soon to be ex is dating someone I work with and it is really taking a toll on me. I am very depressed and can't focus. I am falling behind in school more than I really should or was.
I knew we were not getting alone, but right now is not the right timing because I want to finish school, but this is making it really hard for me.
I am up for ANY ideas to try to focus on my school work to at least pass class. I work two jobs and have three kids to take care of also, and that is a lot for me too.
Sorry for babbling on, just very hurt and need some help.

Tammy

working progress

Hello everyone,

Well we are have way through class. I still have a lot of work to do. Being in school at this point of my life is very dificult. Between getting divorce, my mother in recovery from her surgury and working two jobs, taking care of three very active boys. Some days I wonder why I did this to myself. I have way to many things going on and I can even catch up on school work.
If anyone is willing to help me out, that would be awesome..=) You can e-mail me at school and let me know.